


Personal Log

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Other Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-02-25
Updated: 2006-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-15 17:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8066662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Malcom gets personal in his personal log. Ambiguous pairing. (07/18/2002)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

  
Author's notes: I began to think about Malcolm, cool, reserved. And I think he's hiding, using his love of weapons and controled violence as a sub consious way of working thorugh his personal life. At 1:30a.m. it makes perfect sense. So I can up with this, longer than a drabble. Just how I can see Malcolm, at a low point, being honest, and overdramatic like we all can be.   


* * *

Personal Log...Malcolm Reed

I never thought the solitude of space would become such a prison. All I dreamt for years is in my hands, and I don't know if I want it anymore. As if my heart and my mind are at war.

There is such prestige, serving aboard this ship. Prestige my father has thrown aside and I wonder if that is what motivates me. The age old struggle between father and son, and I realize suddenly that nothing I do will be good enough. I remember his eyes sliding past mine as I told him about my post to Enterprise. I know I have to lock that memory away, not allow it to replay in my mind, like it has hundreds of times since.

At least I'm beginning to make acquaintances, and slowly some friends, one very special friend. God, I feel so bloody stupid, hoping someone will like me, and then too afraid to let anyone close. I'm afraid no one will like what they see and I don't like what I see when I look too closely at my own reflection. No one else will either.

And only one other person matters and I can't let him see inside. He could never respect me if he new that the only strength I have is in the walls I surround myself in. I know he'll leave me then and the key to this prison will be lost forever.

So another brick is added and the light seems farther and farther away.


End file.
